Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
