whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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