my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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