Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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