Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
