oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize