Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize