I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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