Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
