omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
