Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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