she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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