who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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