She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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