Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
