The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
