I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
