theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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