I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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