Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
