i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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