Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
