so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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