Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
