Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
