Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
