i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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