This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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