he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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