What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
