Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
