happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
