im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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