Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Drunk is a universal language darling
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