Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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