Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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