Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
