I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
cat food counts as protein by the way
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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