oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
