He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
