I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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