Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
