so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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