dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
