Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
