I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
