We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
