im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize