Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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