what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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