dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
