I want to walk on stilts...naked
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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