I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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