do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
