you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
