I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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