I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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