There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize