and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
