i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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