the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
