Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A bitchslap is in order.
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