The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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