one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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