How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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