Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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