her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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