After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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