I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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