apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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