omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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