I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
