people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
