i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
