Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
why is half of my head shaved?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
