Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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