Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
