I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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