Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
