One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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