Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My vagina just recognized that song.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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